The highly-commercialized Hallmark holiday is fast approaching and my guess is, if you have a significant other or a special someone, you are scrambling to put together something worthy of his or her affection. Truth is, card and flower companies world-wide are banging off your buck because you are supplementing your physical bang abilities with something that smells nice and dies after three days or ends up in the trash. What kind of message is sent to your loved one with a wilt-able rose bud or an already spoiling box of chocolates?
Being a fan of romanticism, I wouldn't mind a bouquet...but let's face it, Valentine's Day has become more of a spectacle than a true expression of the ooey-gooey love that we all have deep down inside our (conversation) hearts.
So when considering what I want from the new man in my life, I've decided to break out of the ordinary and go for the gift that really says "I love you." Or in my case--just starting out a new relationship--"You Rock."
If you are tired of kissing through the phone, take off your arms (figuratively, despite the message Hug-e-Gram is trying to convey) and send someone a lasting embrace. Forget flowers or balloons, let the one you care about feel your sort of arms around them. Want to let Mike in accounting know your woman is taken? Send her Hug-E-Gram to the office and insist she wear it all day. Need to make a statement that you can beat Mike up if he crosses the line? Send the extra large "bear" hug...not available currently, but it should be!
You just spent over $60 dollars at Victoria's Secret on a lacy, red get-up that will hopefully get your man up in the sack. You haven't eaten in five days to make sure your boobs look bigger compared to your slim tummy. Speaking of eating, why not try on a little edible undies instead of the traditional attire. Yes, it's one use only...but what are the chances that you and Mr. Right Now will even be together next February. And if you're anything like me, reuse of lingerie with different men makes you feel wrong. And you should. This probably won't fill either of you up--with food--so consider ordering in Chinese to curb the "after love-making" munchies.
Who doesn't want four conspicuously "friendly" men belting out a more than likely off-key rendition of "My Funny Valentine" amidst your quiet, sophisticated office environment? I do, I do. Pick Me! Once their done with their little diddy turn this creepy greeting into a worthwhile audition. Take on the persona of your favorite Idol judge and pick apart the performance. Though the men may leave more awkward than they came, you may have redeemed yourself from a few weeks of office jokes.
Naming a star after someone is SO 2009. Want to get your special someone something in the sky that he or she can actually see without a telescope or a qualified astronomer? How about a personal airplane banner. This can be a bit pricey, so make sure you're really serious about your other or have a huge bonus coming in the mail. The only issue with this gift: depending on where you are, it may be difficult to see the plane. There goes $600 dollars...but it's the thought that counts. For a less expensive, air-driven message try this route. This ensures your message is delivered and could be considered more "personal" based on proximity.
#5: Don't do any of these idiotic things and send your woman some flowers. Trust me, she'll do you for a dozen roses.
