PSA: Don't Drink and Ride Public Transit

Everyone always tells you "Don't drink and drive," but what they don't mention is taking the safe route of public transportation has clear and present danger as well. I can count the times on my left hand (...and right hand, and feet) that I've taken a drunken stumble. I have a scratched up phone and a dent in my head to prove it.


But it never crossed my mind that oncoming trains pose a very possible threat, and a little misstep can turn a wild night into a deathly encounter. When they say stay behind the yellow line in the subway: STAY BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE. Or even better, just have a seat on the puke-covered benches—truth is you'll probably be surrounded by your own vom in the near future.


It seems all types of motorize transportation will basically screw you when you've been drinking. Driving yourself gets you a free trip to the slammer, taking a cab poses a possible abduction leading to a warehouse raping, and taking the subway, well:

Taylor Swifts SNL Monologue

A lot of artists take what they're feeling and pour it into their music ... and Taylor Swift is the queen of emotion-filled, unrequited love songs. However, Swift decided to take the higher road on SNL this past weekend and "not" talk about a lot of things.

Swift should be applauded for how well she handles the dramatic and sometimes hurtful situations she gets thrown at her. She is proof that there is nothing like a strong heart and a good laugh to get you through it all:

Tyra Banks Reminds Me My Life Just Isn't That Complicated

What happens when two lady va-jays shack up in one woman's wacked-up, horny-squared body? They get to tell their story on The Tyra Banks show. Just caught a preview clip of tomorrow's (Friday) Tyra where the Oprah wannabe uses her excellent interviewing skills to dig deep into the life-changing story of the two-vaged Lauren Williams.

To put it lightly, when it comes to that time of the month Williams' va-jays do double time and have caused their landlord to go flat broke from sanitary napkin purchases. But don't look for an eviction any time soon, girl parts do more than cock block a few days of the month, they make babies ... and these ones give a new meaning to having twins.

We're not talking inactive hermaphrodite peen here, Williams has an inney and an outey when it comes to these things, and each fully-funnctioning anatomic anomaly has the ability to make little ones. This could be very lucrative or a pain in the ass — take your pick. 

Speaking of ass pains, while contemplating if Williams' situation is a yay or a nay for the male sex, I stumbled across the perfect recently-single mate for our porn producer's dream girl: http://tinyurl.com/3valq.

Think of the places this freak anatomy could take Williams. She could even do gum commercials — double the pleasure, double the fun.

Weezer Teams Up With Armed-Blanket Sensation, The Snuggie

Two powerhouses, the spunky band boys of Weezer and the creators of the remote-accessible Snuggie, are getting together to promote the band’s newest album, Ratitude. The LP is currently up for grabs at the Amazon MP3 Store. However, for a limited time, you can get Ratitude for free with a $30 dollar purchase of the Wuggie—a snuggie with “Weezer” printed across the chest.

Though the idea fits the band’s quirky persona, the team up with Snuggie may not be as lucrative in sales as they may hope. The Snuggie’s status is slowly declining like a fad gone badly. The blankets have become somewhat of an underground craze turned mainstream… and, like in the music world, this sometimes leads to loss of popularity.

However, with the band’s adamant promotion of the “hot ticket item” its possible that the Wuggie will gain media hype, much like Ratitudes’ unusual cover art.

The Wuggie's Infomercial:

Are you a huge Weezer fan who needs the most quality Snuggie available? Hunt down the Safari Snuggie (only $20 dollars more than those boring Snuggie solids) and a deluxe addition copy of the album at the band's official Wuggie website. Perhaps your not a fan of the blanket with arms? Ratitude is still availble for only $3.99 at the Amazon MP3 store, sans Snuggie.

46-38-2, UGA

The weekend of Halloween doesn't just mean slutty costumes and downtown debauchery to the 30,000 students in Athens, Ga. — the home of UGA and the football-playing Bulldogs. Students, faculty, and other Athenians flock from their hometown to the football holy ground, Jacksonville, Fla., in order to participate in the hoopla that is The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party and the ultimate sports rival between the two SEC schools, The University of Georgia Bulldogs and The University of Florida Gators.

Though UGA has been suffering a tough football season this year, the record (since 1915) stands that UGA is the all-time winner in the match-up with UF. Gator-hater Athenians are crossing their fingers all weekend long hoping for a victory that will back up the numbers ... Though, with top-ranked UF as the competition, doubts are high in the minds of Bulldog fans.

This legendary meeting between UGA and UF isn't considered The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party for nothing. If you're watching this game, you best have a drink in hand, and it better have more liquor than mixer. Whether it be on frat beach or surrounding the Jacksonville stadium, fans of both teams will get themselves in a drunken stupor to celebrate a win or cure the pangs of going home a loser.

I have to admit, when it comes to UGA football, I have become a fair-weather fan. The Bulldogs have had a disappointing past few seasons, and something must be done in the coaching and recruiting to ensure this doesn't become a permanent slump. I'm not going into the Richt and Martinez debate ... but I think fans share the overall belief that UGA doesn't stand a chance against the football program at UF and the Almighty himself, Tim Tebow.

The Bulldog Nation twiddles their thumbs as they anticipate the loss to Florida. However, there's nothing a cold one and a good "Woof, woof" can't cure. And a good listen to Corey Smith's "Every Dawg" on the way home.

A positive attitude is about all UGA fans can muster at this point. Maybe UGA will take an unexpected win over UF and bring back the Okefenokee Oar.

Taylor Squared: Swift And Lautner Get Hott And Heavy

Drawn out, very public hugs at concerts:

Dinner rendezvous:

and sharing the same name...Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are totally hott — both in their careers and in their face — and are so dating.

I couldn't be happier to see these fames linking arms and locking lips to cope with their rise to the queen and king of teen popular culture. Both Taylors posses an innocence and kindness in their demeanor making this all-too-obvious relationship so absolutely perfect.

Obviously, when your the hott goods in your media market, you want to keep any love interest under wraps — mostly because your rep says so. But I think that even Team Taylor (on both sides of this love connection) would be happy to see these two together.

However, the repercussions behind a rumored celebrity romance (read: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart) are sometimes harsh...I don't blame the Taylors for keeping their love life on the hush-hush.

And that's The Celeb Sass.

Now THIS Is A Party In The USA

Did Miley Cyrus steal her "Party in the USA" from these guys? What teen queen sensation has the wherewithal to take FIP boy band's #1 YouTube hit and call it her own? Miley should be embarrassed...her pole dance skills do not even shine a light to FIP boys in the sand, by the ocean, wearing scantily clad man-suits.

If I were to imagine a real party in the USA, I can only assume it would be more like this: